Xcuse my Frenglish

Petit webzine bilingue (ou presque)

Emotional journey (EN only)


Summer 2002.

Luggage packed up, savings almost zero-ed down, and ready to flight out to Miami to visit him for a week or so.

They had met 2 years ago on a project. He was so adorable. Easy to have a crush on, besides his good looking. They had kept in touch after the wrap party. And the misunderstanding started just around that time, at this party. He was married but was living far away from his wife. Affection still alive, no more love it seemed. When she saw him at the party, he pronounced some sentences in such a sad way, that left no doubt on the outcome of his marriage… or so she understood.

The email exchanges were nice and the efforts he was doing on his end to welcome her were very delicate. She was starting to think that eventually, they could share something more than just friendship. Little did she know how wrong she was!

In the plane, anxiety took over. Being in one of these after 9/11 was so challenging that she took some medication to try to calm down. The dramatic attack was still very strongly present in her heart and soul. She’s always felt so American… Despite what she took, tears started to make their ways on her cheeks.

The flight to Miami went pretty well, no storm or anything: reassuring… excepted for that lady who kept on trying to make a rocking-chair out of her seat! No steward would get our girl another seat or accept for her to pay an extra to be upgraded – not that she actually could afford this, but the flight would have been somewhat easier to handle.

Miami International Airport.

Part of her felt like eye-killing the rockin’ lady…

Excitement took over it.

Get out and meet him!

As many people, she thought that the 1st impression is the one that matters the most… so she traveled in nice tight jeans, with high heels, a lovely white blouse and a red (fake)leather trench-coat, feeling confident and sexy. Any frequent flyer would tell you how ridiculous this was.

Fact #1: Airplanes have air-conditioning.

Fact #2: Miami’s air was a mix of high humidity and high temperatures.

Result: shock.

Happy ending: Miami’s airport also has air-conditioning.

Breathing again.

They managed to find one another.

Everything’s doing well. She meets his roommate, a French model-type and really friendly guy.

The trip has been pretty exhausting and with the jet lag, taking a nap was just like a wonderful option.

Days passed smoothly, meeting his friends, some coworkers, going to the beach… Oh yes, the beach! You’d believe she would have thought of packing up a swimsuit or two, wouldn’t you? Well guess what? Yep! Incredible… She still managed to come up with something and ended up topless on the sand, which is something she would never have done!

Her positive mind on him was getting stronger every day. He yet had some really bad “side-dishes” that popped up with appetizer drinks. This left a little surprising and disappointing taste, somewhat unbelievable.

He was proud to welcome a friend from Europe, who could speak English almost without any accent. She was happy to make him proud.

One evening, it was decided she’d meet him at his work place at the end of his duty. He was manager in a restaurant. They would head up to the night life of Miami. So she dressed up soberly and elegantly: long curves-friendly black dress, a little make up, nice necklace and heels – actually comfy ones, believe it or not!

Arriving at the restaurant, the hostess doesn’t recognize her right away: they had met at the beach in the afternoon and she was different with fancy clothes on. She laughed. The hostess indicates her the way to meet him. So she goes, walking with a confident head up on this carpet floor. He sees her. Eye contact. He’s pleasantly surprised. And then the most horrific thing happened for a girl who was so ready to make the best entrance ever: her foot stumbled on the carpet floor and she fell, landing in his arms! Hilarious! Would you try to do this on purpose, things couldn’t actually work THAT well. Atmosphere? Relaxed! She could only laugh about this, so did he, adding how cute and pretty she was. Heaven, it felt like heaven to her.

At the end of the night, back at his place with a couple of friends, she discovered things about him she’d never thought. Yet, no judgment. That’s also the moment she finds out he’s actually not divorced. Once they are alone, the conversation keeps up. He tells her secrets she will take with her in the after-life. As a matter of fact, she considers being told delicate secrets as an honor and makes a point to keep them sealed.

And then it happened. She was hurt. Not especially because nothing sentimental would occur between them, no. On the project they met was this person in charge of costumes, with quite of a personality. She was tough with her, “miss nobody” -or was it her sensitivity that had her feeling everything stronger? – Now given, he was doing the same job as our traveler, but he was a good-looking man and the leading actor’s brother! So naturally, the cosutme lady was acting differently with him. Speaking about this in Miami, he put the costume lady’s behavior on her nationality account. Couldn’t be more wrong. Our girl has been working with several other persons of that nationality and only some acted like that person did. He stood up for that woman though, and that’s what hurt our traveler’s loving heart at most. He valuated this lady more than her. Worse, he wouldn’t consider that two people can be friends and yet don’t have the same friends’ circle. And that’s how everything broke down. The last days were horrible. He was cold and distant. She was hurt and lost. She felt like she acted foolishly. She felt like an unworthy piece of crap. Awesome, isn’t it? Hell in Heaven…

On the way back to the airport, little words were spoken – general statements on weather, roads, and things like this for the most. Awkward. He dropped her off quickly at the kiss’n’fly. He had to go to work. She will never forget his so furtive look, and the strong relief feeling she felt, coming out of him, as he was taking off.

She cannot remember anything from her trip back home but the Heathrow Airport stop. Had to face a bi*** at the Alitalia desk, refusing to deliver her the boarding pass needed for the transfer to the continent. Stupid woman! She had to run hectically in the airport to reach the gate in time. And once there, only then, at the very last minute, emotions took over and she cried, overwhelmed. “How can people be such jerks?” This last run after fighting to get things straighten out really was the one thing she couldn’t take anymore. Obviously, the flight connections between Heathrow and the continent on both ways have been really tough emotionally for her.

Back home, broke and heartbroken; she wanted to apologize to him. So she tried to reach him on the phone, leaving pathetic “forgive me” messages on his answering machine. A month passed by. She stopped. He could have had this stop way beforehand, simply by taking five minutes to send her an email. She felt like a floor cloth, rinsed out of dignity. And that’s pretty much the moment it hit her and saved her…

If someone cannot accept the fact that two people have different friends and different opinions on people, especially if based on their personal experiences; if someone cannot try to wear your shoes and forgive your losing your dignity just to apologize -what for again?- ; if someone cannot understand that you had feelings, that you were young, missing self-confidence and living your emotions; then this someone should be forgiven, for he’s not the person you thought he was, for his lack of compassion, for his not having any open mind at that time, for his not forgiving you to have been who you were, or who you could have been back then. But your energy should be better spent now. Enough of this all. Learn from it and move on. No one should be accountable for being human and imperfect. True friends try to understand and tend to forgive.

People live, and learn through living. Some are more sensitive than others. Time and aging are blessings: everyone gets to be more patient, more compassionate, meet their actual selves, find serenity and therefore, deals better with the emotions felt. Should you meet someone who’s not open minded enough to consider you are allowed to have another point of view, able to understand that you will grow, and who doesn’t accept you the way you are: let this someone go. Don’t take the blame on you exclusively and forgive this person not to be wiser yet either: this should come sometimes too.


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This entry was posted on July 16, 2015 by in anglais, english, Text(e)s and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , .
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